SUPERUSELESS SUPERPOWER: Laser Pointer Vision* Your gaze isn't strong enough to burn through anything, just strong enough to point thing...

SUPERUSELESS SUPERPOWER: PreMOMnition The power to see what your mother is doing at all times. PreMOMnition cannot be turned off and operate...

SUPERUSELESS SUPERPOWER: ShadowFlex Bunny rabbits and birds. These are the normal human limits of shadow puppeteering. That is, unless you h...

SUPERUSELESS SUPERPOWER: NO-GOliath Superhuman size. Totally human feet. Upon engaging the No-Go-liath power, the upper 95% of our superher...

SUPERUSELESS SUPERPOWER: Quantum Toot For most folks, being gassy has its consequences. Like smelling up your cubicle and then blaming it on...

SUPERUSELESS SUPERPOWER: Walk Through Walls-ish, aka The Studfinder There are all kinds of walls. Brick ones. Stone ones. Berlin ones. This ...

SUPERUSELESS SUPERPOWER: 1987 Man With just a touch, 1987 Man turns any pair of jeans to acid wash. The 90’s were especially rough on our he...

[thanks to Ronin, A.Landry for Animation]

SUPERUSELESS SUPERPOWER: Destructo-Button Any button you touch becomes a self-destruct button (that only destroys itself). We recommend stoc...

SUPERUSELESS SUPERPOWER: Be everywhere, but never know where you are. Be thou herest, therest, and everywherest. Thine transcendental power ...

SUPERUSELESS SUPEROWER: TeleKinnearsis Pretty much everyone wishes they could move objects with their mind. Pretty much no one wishes that t...

SUPERUSELESS SUPERPOWER: Brow-Wow The power to grow one's uni-brow at twice the normal human speed. Whereas mere mortals have to groom t...

Dear superuseless fans: we’ve seen your brilliance. In the breakroom…in the bathroom…and yes, even the chat room. And now the time has come....

S UPERUSELESS SUPERPOWER: Lati-dude & Longi-dude. Ever wish you could conjure up a duplicate of yourself? This power is exactly that. On...

SUPERUSELESS SUPERPOWER: ∞ -ray vision . Go from 20/20 to 20/plenty with this seemingly amazing gift of sight. But here's the catch. You...

SUPERUSELESS SUPERPOWER: Superhuman strength whilst sleeping.   After awaking from an especially violent dream, the "Slumberjack" ...