SUPERUSELESS SUPERPOWER: Quaker Oates John Oates (of Hall & Oates fame) was blessed with a thick, black moustache and fingers that can t...

SUPERUSELESS SUPERPOWER: Out of Shape Shifter This cautionary tale is one well-known throughout the Superuseless universe. W...

SUPERUSELESS SUPERPOWER: Slow-Woe As famed golfer Arnold Palmer once said, “When life gives you lemons, make lemonade, then add equ...

SUPERUSELESS SUPERPOWER: Tie-Bo Only one kind of tie says “I’m loosely abiding by the dress code, but I’m totally here to party.” ...

SUPERUSELESS CELEBRITY SUPERPOWER: The Sheening Quick, would you rather get stuck in an overturned port-o-potty for a week or get stuck in C...

SUPERUSELESS SUPERPOWER: Snowfake From a tender young age, Gerald always knew he was special. And not just because he loved figure skating m...

SUPERUSELESS SUPERPOWER: Snidekick Your right-hand man. Your brother-in-arms. Your sarcastic-prick-partner-in-a-mask? He’s the Snidekick. Un...

SUPERUSELESS SUPERPOWER: Post-It Nope Take out the trash, pay the credit card bill, dry-clean the erotic Japanese body pillow. Yep, sticky n...

SUPERUSELESS SUPERPOWER: Fantasy Fail Without unicorns, the entire airbrush industry would collapse. But ridding the world of unicorns is ex...

S UPERUSELESS SUPERPOWER: Eventual Kevlar Skin . B ang. Bang. Bang. Bang. Bang. Bang. Bang. Bang. Bang. Bang. Bang. Bang. Boink.

SUPERUSELESS SUPERPOWER: Healing Punch Float like a butterfly and sting like the bedside manner of Mother Teresa. As a superhero, sometimes ...

SUPERUSELESS SUPERPOWER: Ability to turn blog idea into book It’s true. We got a book deal. More details to come. In the meantime we are des...

SUPERUSELESS SUPERPOWER: Tony Danzaversary Once every year, you turn into Tony Danza for an entire day. Don’t worry though, the changes are ...

SUPERUSELESS SUPERPOWER: Stair Master. Who doesn't enjoy gliding effortlessly from floor to floor at the local shopping mall? The Stair ...

SUPERUSELESS SUPERPOWER: Polarrhoids. When it comes to superheroes, a lot can happen in the blink of an eye. Like saving distressed damsels ...

SUPERUSELESS SUPERPOWER: In-flight flight. Being able to soar through the air still won't save you from recycled oxygen and endless sto...