The Sheening

SUPERUSELESS CELEBRITY SUPERPOWER: The Sheening

Quick, would you rather get stuck in an overturned port-o-potty for a week or get stuck in Charlie Sheen's head for 5 minutes? It's actually a trick question because most humans couldn't survive more than 9 seconds inside the Warlock's brain. Yet that's what this Superuseless Celebrity Power entails--the ability to channel Charlie Sheen's every thought. Can you say "bi-losing"?

Snowfake

SUPERUSELESS SUPERPOWER: Snowfake

From a tender young age, Gerald always knew he was special. And not just because he loved figure skating more than life itself. You see, Gerald (aka, Snowfake) can produce exact replicas of any snowflake he touches. Of course, we all know that no two snowflakes are exactly alike in nature. And despite such power at his disposal, he still gets beat up by his town's high school hockey team.