SNIDEKICK

SUPERUSELESS SUPERPOWER: Snidekick
Your right-hand man. Your brother-in-arms. Your sarcastic-prick-partner-in-a-mask? He’s the Snidekick. Unlike Robin or Tonto, this fucking guy always has some snarky remark. His cynical Generation Xisms can really stick in your craw. No one likes to be mocked when they’re out saving the world. Dude doesn’t even help out in a fight. He just comments from the sidelines like he’s a character on Mystery Science 3000. Truly superuseless.

Post-It Nope

SUPERUSELESS SUPERPOWER: Post-It Nope

Take out the trash, pay the credit card bill, dry-clean the erotic Japanese body pillow. Yep, sticky notes are great for all kinds of reminders. Unless you have this power, which removes all the stickiness with just a touch. Now that once useful pad is a slightly less useful stack of paper.

Unicorn Whisperer

SUPERUSELESS SUPERPOWER: Fantasy Fail

Without unicorns, the entire airbrush industry would collapse. But ridding the world of unicorns is exactly what this power entails. With just a whisper into the ear of said mythical beast, the unicorn’s horn disappears. And as we all know, a unicorn with no horn is a just a gay horse. Add the fact that unicorns don’t actually exist (sorry, Reldwyn of the woodland realm) and you’ve got double the useless.