Walk through walls-ish

SUPERUSELESS SUPERPOWER: Walk Through Walls-ish, aka The Studfinder
There are all kinds of walls. Brick ones. Stone ones. Berlin ones. This power vibrates your molecules allowing you to walk through walls, but only halfway. You never actually make it through the opposite side of the wall you entered.

Trapped in a madman’s labyrinth?
See what brand of sheetrock he used.

Wake up hungover on Amontillado wine and enclosed in an Italian catacomb?
Admire the masonry work as you slowly suffocate.

1987 Man

SUPERUSELESS SUPERPOWER: 1987 Man
With just a touch, 1987 Man turns any pair of jeans to acid wash. The 90’s were especially rough on our hero, forcing him to quit his job

at the Gap. He now runs a Glamour Shots franchise along with fellow superheroes The Perminator and Shoulder Pad Girl.

Supervideo!

[thanks to Ronin, A.Landry for Animation]

Destructo-Button

SUPERUSELESS SUPERPOWER: Destructo-Button
Any button you touch becomes a self-destruct button (that only destroys itself). We recommend stocking up on cell phones, TV remotes...oh, and The Clapper.

[Thanks Antelieris, AGAIN, for the assist!]

Omnipresent Disorientation

SUPERUSELESS SUPERPOWER: Be everywhere, but never know where you are.

Be thou herest, therest, and everywherest. Thine transcendental power approaches full-on divinity.

But wait. Where exactly are you? Is that a rice paddy in Miryang or are you front row and poncho-less at a Gallagher performance? Maybe you should sit down and get your bearings. But, uh-oh, is that a bidet or a whale's blowhole?